hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
