My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
