got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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