Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
