I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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