she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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