She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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