She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
