We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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