He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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