Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
