Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
