Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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