Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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