Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she peed on how many people?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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