Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
