I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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