my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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