I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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