Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
