We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
