How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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