I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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