probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Drake has all the answers
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
