Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
