We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
