On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
