i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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