If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
