Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
