apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
