I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
