Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
