That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
