it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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