Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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