Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
