i was born a porn star she said
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize