I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
