no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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