pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize