Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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