Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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