i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
