Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
