well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
