first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
