did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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