Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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