dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My feet surprised me
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize