idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize