I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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