I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
