they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
