Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
