I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
