508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
