Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
