I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
