RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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