How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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