Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
